Estelle

In November 2009 I decided to get breast implants not for vanity more for my sanity I never developed properly and had tuberous breasts it affected my mental health so bad . I was in a relationship from 17 and for 8 years I hid and kept my bra on from my then partner. I had enough of hiding from him I cryed all the time because I just didn’t feel normal because I never grew normal round boobs.

So I got them done and I honestly can say when I woke up I was sooooooo happy I had tits lol I never hid no more and that part was amazing.

So things were going great but 6 months after I started to feel shaky and weird extreme anxiety with bad depersonalization I couldn’t think straight I didn’t know what was happening so I went to the doctor and they gave me antidepressants and benzos I managed to get better after 4 months but I had lost about 2 stone .fast forward to 2014/2015 I felt it starting to happen again. I thought it was just stress because I’d lost my home and had problems in my relationship but this time the aniexty took hold and I had a nervous breakdown I lost my job and then broke up with my partner of 14 years.

I didn’t know about breast implants illness until last year. For 4 years I have been told it’s my mind that has did this to me. I’m not the same person I once was. I used to be confident, had a job, drove my car, went out with friends and all that got taken away from me.

I ended up in a mental health ward in 2016 for few weeks it didn’t help at all. I can’t leave the house on my own last 3 half years. Extreme anxiety and depersonalization left me pinned to my bed for months too scared to even come out of the bedroom. I have ringing in my left ear and pain in it constantly, aniexty, depersonalization, depression, weight gain I’m bloated all the time, my eyes burn, my pee stings and it smells like perm lotion. I have food intolerances, cant smell or taste properly. Can’t think straight. Panic attacks.

I’ve been living in fight or flight 4 years and I have wanted to end my life so many times but I knew deep down there was something else causing it all. These crazy symptoms to have a feelin of being hungover everyday and don’t even drink no more isn’t right and I’m so sensitive to light and sound aswell. I can’t wait to get my life back, my daughter is 15 and I’ve lost years spending time and doing normal fun things with her. I’m currently on a waiting list to get these removed so I’m hoping and praying it isn’t much longer to get my life back…

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